Letter To Self! I’ll Look To You For Inspiration

Dear Conrad Max,

Denis Mukungu thought i should share this with my contacts, hope they can relate.

Looking back over the years, I have realized how far you have grown. You have been through some really rocky times in your life, yet somehow you managed to keep the faith. There were days when you hit rock bottom and didn’t think that you could face the day, but you kept on no matter how hard things were or how bad things were going.

You have always been good at being a positive person even when things were falling apart.  Although I think you hid far too much and kept your problems to yourself. You guarded yourself from others and pretended like everything was okay when it wasn’t. You were afraid of opening up and being vulnerable to others. You were scared of what they might think.

But now, I see a man who has blossomed into what he was meant to be. You finally decided to open up and show your true self to the world. For so long, you kept your true self hidden because you didn’t like what you saw or you thought that who you were was not valuable or unique.

Why did you think this?

Was it because you could never let go of mean things that were said to you?

Why did you ever let someone take away your self-love?

I guess you didn’t know any better.

Over the years, you struggled so much and all you did was blame yourself, which made things worse.

I wish that you could have seen that your internal struggle was a SIGN that your true self was being suffocated because you wouldn’t let who you were really shine to the world.

You tried to be everything everyone wanted you to be and you didn’t give much thought as to what YOU wanted to be. All you cared about what how a certain career might make others proud of you, but you didn’t truly think long and hard about what your passions were or what you wanted out of life.

Today, I am so very proud of you.

In the past year you have grown more than you ever have and you have never been happier. You no longer have unbearable anxiety or depressive thoughts like you used to.

Why?

Because you listened to your heart! Finally, after all these years!

Starting Oh he Glows was the best thing you have ever done, and you know it. What started as something that you thought wouldn’t last soon became a huge source of pleasure in your life. You felt alive again and it gave you a glimmer of hope that you could do something that you enjoyed! You found your inner MOJO!!!!

The hardest decision you have ever made was walking away from your profession. I remember all those nights that you cried with your head buried in your bed asking God for answers.

You knew that no one could give you the answers.

You finally realized that this is your life and the only one who is going to be able to make you happy is YOU.

Not that girl (What’s her name?), not your friends, or your family.

YOU!

You did some major soul-searching and were wrought with anxiety every night. You couldn’t sleep and you knew why.

You knew the answer of what you should do but you were absolutely terrified to do it.

Your heart was telling you what you had to do to be happy, but your mind was trying to talk you out of it because it wasn’t what society saw as right. No one leaves a good paying job to follow their passions! What would people think? What would mom think? What would I think?

It just wasn’t status quo.

 

And you’ve followed the status quo, always a good little boy, and doing what wasn’t expected of you.

But you finally realized that none of that would ever make you happy if it wasn’t who you really were!

You finally realized that you were going to let the real you out and you didn’t give a damn what anyone thought about it.

 

And the most bittersweet part of all was that you found out that you really liked yourself.

 

All these years you were afraid to show the world who you were…

and all along you were a GOOD PERSON.

Why did you hide for so long?

You have a good heart.

You’re creative.

You don’t want to be an employee.

You are sweet and kind.

You are silly, goofy, funny.

You have a smile that can warm a stranger’s heart in the street.

You are shy.

You hated this about yourself for so long. But now you embrace your shyness. Don’t fight who you are to be something you’re not.

I leave you with some words of advice:

1) Don’t live your life for what you think will please others. Remember what happened when you did that? You got no where. Follow your heart. You can never go wrong.

2) Don’t ever turn your back on anyone, help the needy and put God first.

3) Don’t be scared of a difference of opinion or challenging remarks. Don’t see it as an attack, but as another way of looking at the world.

4) Keep in mind that you will never please everyone and while it is in your personality to damn well try to do so, it is a false illusion. Use your energy elsewhere!

5) You used to call yourself a perfectionist with pride, but now you realize that it is healthier to be somewhere in the middle. Being a perfectionist made you bat shit crazy and you know it.

6) Continue to set short and long term goals. Those rock. You truly come alive when you have goals in life so I suggest that you always have some on your radar. They make life fun, adventurous, and satisfying.

7) Keep giving to charity. In fact, do it more. Donate your time. Help others in need. Remember how alive you feel when you are helping people on OSG or raising money for charity. Nothing makes you feel better than helping others.

8.) Try not to hold others to the impossible standards that you held for yourself for so long. You have a tendency to expect only perfection from loved ones in your life and this is a tragic, tragic mistake. Learn to appreciate people for how they are NOW, not what they should be.

9) Love, laugh, play, and cry without holding back. Don’t feel like you have to hide tears…ever. Tears are not shameful and the fact that you are a sensitive and emotional person is not something to hide like you did for all those years.

10) Embrace moments of each and every day. The most simple moments are often the most remarkable.

11) Friends may come and go, but family will always be there for you. Never lose sight of this. Nurture your relationships with your family.

Most of all, be true to yourself and you will never go wrong…

I REMAIN YOURS TRULY, CONRAD MAX EDOKU ❤

 

 

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