I want to scream, cry, yell, or punch a wall….. Why you ask? Teenage boys who break teenage girls’ hearts. This will be a three part rant beginning with my daughter’s (Yes, where I come from, I have these young girls who come to me for advice, they call me dad and the reverse is true) most recent ex boyfriend. Before I begin let me explain that I think a lesson must be learned and a positive should be taken from each relationship, so although I am feeling quite negative towards “prom saver”, I will try to present the reader, other parents or teenage girls, with what was learned and gained.
“Prom saver” was a boy she met four years ago at a church event in a distant town. He had kept in touch via texting for the whole four years and seemed like a nice kid. She had recently ended things with “high school sweetheart”(next blog I promise) and he wanted to take her on a date. My daughter wasn’t sure she was ready to start a new relationship but the best way to move forward is to go on a date and she wanted a prom date. She gave this boy a chance and for awhile he seemed like a great option. She didn’t want a boyfriend but he weaseled his way into her heart and she gave him a hesitant chance.
Hesitation was correct. He was the “I love you type”. You know the guy that just wants to marry you after one month. Well the first four months he was an emotional roller coaster. My daughter is big into theater and had to kiss “the high school sweetheart” in the show three times. The “prom saver” was very upset. It was just a musical and they were the romantic leads so what did he expect. He got weird talking about switching colleges to get closer, knowing he was going to marry her, questioning her decisions…. All warning signs but she had to get through prom at this point because it wasn’t fair to leave either of them dateless and money had been spent by both parties. Prom was fun but as he approached having surgery for an athletic injury his pain and emotional levels increased. She stayed in to support him. Things seemed to be getting better… He was backing off a little and she thought maybe this really could work. Well this is when he met “flirty”. It took him about three weeks to decide it just wouldn’t work. After three weeks of catching up with friends, a vacation, and distant communication he said this isn’t going to work because He had to work too hard. The biggest reason I am angry was she started spending more money because he was saving up for a big date that she knew would be expensive.
What I really believe happened is my daughter finally said let’s give this a real shot… Long distance can work… And which point he heard I won and wow “flirty” is cute. Did he love her? No he was in love with being in love and the chase. He won the chase because she had been trying. She was looking for a real relationship that would grow not fizzle up after it burnt hot. She knew from the first month it wouldn’t work yet she gave it a chance because she wants that life long love with her best friend.
Lessons learned: teenage girls listen to your instincts. I should have not encouraged my daughter one way or another because her instinct was to let him go but her human side to be kind kept her trying. From an outside perspective he seemed perfect because of how he treated her in front of us, but She knew something was off with him. The longer you stay in a bad relationship the harder it is to leave.
What I learned: try to just listen to your daughter/child, don’t offer advise unless they are going to get hurt because of danger. I thought I was teaching my daughter to be open but in being open her heart is now broke and she questions if she is good enough. We all know you kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince but it is easy to say when you have a prince.
Positive: she had an amazing end to her senior year. She went out with friends, “prom saver” took her on a lot of dates. He brought her flowers almost every time and he paid for the dates most of the time. They did have fun. Her last boyfriend hadn’t been that great in this area, do she got to see how a girl should be treated by a boyfriend and She had a great time at both proms. The first part of summer they spent every weekend together and he tried to do things to make her happy. When she gets past the pain there will be good memories and she will be able to appreciate the efforts he made when he was in love with being in love with her.